the mystery island 2
So I was trapped on a island with a bad cut on my leg I could not move i ask my monkey to get a bandage the monkey said “oouuu” is yes. So my monkey went off to look for a bandage i came along to a windmill i did not go in because it looked bad and risky. Then i could see a long road going down so i went down it. I was sleepy i just got there it was 2 hours i had a sleep for 4 hours i woke up but just then i could see some thing moving i went up to and it was just a monkey like me. I ask the monkey if he had a life for a bandage he said yes i do i toke it of the monkey run back to my friend i put the bandage/life on the cut leg. We had to go to sleep 12 hours later we woke up we could swim so we swam away from that island
You have a humourous side to your writing Regan - I can hear it when I read your work. I think your Oliver's advice is good though - next time use more verbs that show the reader.
ReplyDeleteI like the way that you don't have a lot writing one of my mistakes next time use more verbs
ReplyDeleteand make them stand out